One Year Later

Eli pulled his rental car into the gravel lot of the T-Bar Ranch and parked. He grabbed his bag off the seat next to him and climbed out, anxious to throw his stuff in his room and then find Buck. Their time apart these days wasn't as horrible as it had been at first. Now, the distance was made easier by regular emails and phone calls that stretched for hours. Conversations wove their way from the weather, to the stock at the ranch, to Eli's job, and somehow would almost always end with some manner of teasing phone play. Eli was starting to wonder if Buck had a secret kink for phone sex.

Buck denied it, saying only "Your voice drives me crazy, Eli." True, Eli got a thrill out of hearing Buck's voice after their times apart. The trips he made out to the ranch every few months weren't enough to keep him going without the phone calls and emails in between. Eli felt like he had been out more than just the 5 or 6 trips since his initial vacation. He and Buck had gotten close quickly, and the rest of the ranch hands had accepted him well, even allowing him to help them now and then with some of the lighter work.

Eli looked around as he walked toward the cabin he rented so regularly now. The day was warm, the air hinting at spring moving in. Eli smiled, it reminded him so much of his first visit. It was another beautiful April day just like this 2 years ago when he first laid eyes on Buck. That felt like so long ago. But now, after 5 agonizing months since his last trip, he was finally here again for his week-long visit.

After dropping his things in the cabin, Eli swung by the front desk to greet the staff there and say hello to Richard, the ranch owner. He almost felt like he was getting to know them as well with all the visits. As he walked from the main building, he caught sight of a familiar form standing in the distance. He hurried over, smiling at the thought of seeing his lover again.

When he got closer, Eli realized something wasn't right. Buck never wore khaki pants, and certainly never loafers. Why would he be dressed up?

Eli walked up, clapping Buck on the shoulder. "What're you all dolled up for, Buck?"

When he turned, it was obvious that this wasn't Buck. The resemblance was almost too much to believe, there were so many similarities. The green eyes were the same ones that had given him that kick in the gut the very first day he was here; those lips almost identical to the ones he'd kissed endlessly in the cave. But as he looked closer, Eli saw subtle differences; a tiny scar near his hairline, a barely different shape of his jaw. Who in the world was this person, and why did he look so much like Buck?

The man grinned. "I'm always dressed like this. Though I have to say, it's nice to know I'm in the right place. If you know my brother, that means he's here?"

It was very disconcerting to see that face, so incredibly similar, but just subtly different.

"Who are you?" Eli heard the words come from his mouth before he could get a rein on them.

The other man smiled. "I'm who you call Buck's brother, Adam."

Not just brother. They were fucking twin brother. Eli shook his head slowly, looking the man over in disbelief. He remembered what Buck had said that night in the cave.

"You're dead."

Adam chuckled. "I can assure you that I'm most definitely alive. I found out after getting back stateside that everyone had been mistakenly told I was dead. I didn't give a rat's ass what my father might think, but I had to look up Lance, ummm Buck. I didn't like that we lost touch so long ago." He looked around, then back to Eli. "He is here, isn't he?"

"Should be." Eli began to drag himself from his stupor, motioning for Adam to follow him. He led the way towards the barns, catching sight of his lover's supple form in the distance hauling hay.  “You said Lance? Is that his given name?  I only know him as Buck, but he got that name when he arrived here and has gone by it ever since.”

“Yes, his given name is Lance, and mine is Adam, and yes we are twins.  That’s’ what caused you so much confusion just now.”

Eli walked closer to the working men, calling up toward his lover. "Hey Buck! There's someone here to see you!"

The hands all looked up and the look that crossed their faces told Eli they saw the immediate and obvious similarities the brothers shared.

When Buck looked up and saw his brother standing there, he went completely still, like he’d seen a ghost. A look of wonder and disbelief filled his eyes. He looked so confused that Eli wanted to go to him and hold him. Slowly, Buck put down the bale of hay he had been holding and walked over toward Adam in a stupor.

Adam just stood in place, smiling softly. "Hey there, bro.  How have you been?"

Buck stopped a few feet away, barely blinking and apparently unable to look away. "Fuck, man. You're… you're alive?" His voice was thick with emotion and with a cry made up of both joy and sorrow, he launched himself at his brother. They enveloped each other in tight hugs, clinging to one another tightly.

Eli felt himself choking up at the display of love. He had never thought that when Buck had told him about the demise of his brother that one day he would see their reunion. It was a touching sight, and Eli felt almost like he was intruding on their privacy.

After a few minutes, Buck pulled back, eyes shining with unshed tears. "Fuck, I can't believe it!"

Adam laughed. "Believe it. I'm here, Lance."

Buck threw his arms around his brother again, hugging even tighter. He gave a laugh, shaking his head as he stepped back. "God, it's like a miracle. What happened?"

Adam shrugged. "Typical government fuck up. Another guy with a similar name was killed and they got us mixed up. I didn't even know they told everyone I was dead until I was about to ship home. Of course, my wife, Sarah knew I wasn't because I call her as often as I can. But when I realized that you might not know the truth, I had to find you. I always felt guilty that we lost touch, so I called in a few favors from some army buddies and found out where you were."

Buck shook his head in disbelief. "Holy shit, that's crazy." He grinned. "I can't believe you're here."

"Well, believe it, bro! I didn't know what to expect when I first got here. I never pinned you for a ranch worker. But when this guy thought I was you, I knew I had to be in the right place." Adam nodded toward Eli.

Buck turned toward Eli, a conflicted look on his face, as if he had just realized Eli was there. Eli smiled, waving at him. "It's okay. Go on. Spend some time with your brother. I'll be here and we can get together later."

Buck nodded, giving Eli a grateful look. He turned to Tuck, ready to ask for a little time. The foreman waved him on silently, already turning back to work. Buck smiled, looking at his brother. "Come on, we have a lot to catch up on."

Eli watched Buck and his brother walk toward the ranch house for some privacy. He sighed inwardly. As excited as he was for Buck to find his brother again, something told him this might turn out to not be a good thing for him.

* * * * * * *

Lance and Adam spent several days together, talking and reconnecting. Eli gave them some space, joining in occasionally on a ride or walk. Lance didn't completely ignore him, but he seemed distant, keeping a respectful personal space between Eli and himself. At first, it didn't bother him, but after a few days, it started to get to Eli. Especially when ‘his Buck’ didn't sleep with him in the cabin like he normally did when Eli came. That really annoyed him. It wasn't the lack of sex, it was the lack of closeness and affection. It felt like they were complete strangers, or worse. They had been more interactive the first day they met.

One afternoon, after he had entertained himself most of the day, Eli wandered into one of the supply barns and saw Buck at a workbench, bent over a piece of equipment that was far too complicated for Eli to figure out.

"Where's Adam?"

Lance looked up from his work. "He went to his room to shower, then he's going into town for a little bit. I have to get this damn thing working again, so I told him to go ahead without me."

This might be his chance. Adam would be away for a while, and Eli wanted t0 see if he could get a little time with Lance by himself. He stepped closer. "Want me to give you a hand? It might go faster. And afterward," Eli ran a hand over Lance's chest, his fingers edging toward the hem of his shirt. "Maybe I can steal you away for a little while..."

Lance shrugged off his hand. "Not now, Eli. I'm busy."

That pissed him off. They had barely touched since Adam came and now he was obviously being pushed away. Eli was starting to get sick of it. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Buck, umm Lance? You've barely looked at me lately. I don't get much time out here with you and you've hardly been acknowledging me the past few days. I haven't seen you now for months!"

Lance glared back at him. "And I haven't seen Adam in years! I thought he was dead! Excuse me if that takes precedence over fucking!"

"Why does it have to be one or the other? Who says you can't do both?" Eli felt himself getting angrier, his voice rising. "Every other time, you've slept with me in the cabin. Why now are you staying away from me?"

"Why are you making such a big deal out of this?" Lance snatched a tool off the shelf nearby and turned to walk out. "I have to get back to work."

Eli blocked his way out of the room. "Are you ashamed of me? Of us?" A thought struck Eli. "He doesn't know, does he?"

The uncomfortable look that crossed Lance's face told him everything. "Fuck, you never told him?!"

"I didn't figure it out for myself until after we split and quit talking. It's not something you just up and write your estranged brother about. Then I was told he was killed and didn't have the chance."

Eli sighed. "Why don't you talk to him about it now? He deserves to know."

Lance’s eyes narrowed slightly. "Look, I just got him back after years of thinking I'd never see him again. We've got a lot to catch up on. I just want to get to know my brother first, alright?"

"And he wants to get to know you! That includes knowing you're gay and are seeing someone!"

"Am I?" Buck spat back. "Seems to me like I'm just a long distance booty call every time you get a hankering for some cowboy!"

Eli was shocked. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm saying that you come out here all the time for sex. We don't do much talking, so obviously there's not much in common besides sex. Am I just a dick for you?"

"What about the phone calls, the emails? Those don't count? I've never thought you were just a dick." Eli ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "I'm doing my best with this! Being as far apart as we are isn't easy. Phone calls and emails are all I can do between visits. And I never see you jumping to come see me! It's always one sided, isn't it? I have to come see you for anything to happen, because heaven forbid the cowboy should have to come to the city!"

"I never said that, don't put words in my mouth, Eli!" Buck glared at him. "It's not easy to take time off from here. There aren't a lot of people who can cover the work, unlike you city boys who can be gone and no one even miss you."

"What the hell!" Eli wished he had something to throw. Buck was making him angrier than he had been in a long time. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about, Buck. I have a very busy job, and getting a week off now and then isn't easy, but I do it because I want to see you. I'd come out more if I could. But fuck, I can't just drop my job and move out here, Buck! I have commitments to my work."

Buck sneered, his voice picking up a mocking tone. "Glad to know your work is more important. That's definitely something we should get straight now so I wouldn't be wondering why you didn't come out for your 6 month visit. You'll be too busy hunched over some report that the big boss needs immediately!"

Eli didn't know where all this was coming from. "You've never once expressed any desire for this to be anything more than what it has been, Buck. I didn't know what you wanted."

In the two months since he came home from the ranch for the last time, Eli hadn't been able to drag himself from the depression that had plagued him. Losing Buck had hurt a lot more than he cared to admit. It had just felt so right with the cowboy that being away and knowing it was for longer than just a few months was killing him. The few trinkets he had of the ranch -- the picture of him and Buck, a postcard he had sent later and a few other things -- were all tucked away in a drawer where he didn't have to see them. Out of sight, out of mind; or at least that was what it was supposed to do.

His email was much emptier and barely touched. No regular messages back and forth to keep up on what was happening at the ranch. No playful banter, hints of teasing seduction. His phone was just as lonely, if not more so. Eli used to lie back on his bed as they talked, knowing it would eventually lead to a playful banter that slid into something more intimate.

The work that used to make him happy now seemed like a life sentence. He barely met anyone's gaze beyond what was expected of him. Even Jerry didn't bother talking to him. After work was over, he went home and did as little as possible, but made sure it kept his mind away from the west.

Eli didn't know how long he could go on like this. He felt like he was missing a part of himself, and didn't know how he could function without it. Jill tried to talk to him numerous times, but he ignored her. He kept telling himself that he would talk to her later, but later never came.

Finally, it was a Friday. The drudgery of the week was coming to a close and Eli could go home to two solid days of struggling to forget. Maybe he would stop at the liquor store on the way home to help with that.

Sometime that afternoon, a phone call came through the switchboard for him. He glanced at the clock. 4:30. Not much longer now, and maybe he could milk this call enough to slip out a few minutes early. All he wanted to do was go home.

He picked up the phone, cradling it between his chin and shoulder as he shuffled through a stack of papers. "Allied Accounting and Business Services. This is Eli, how can I help you?"

The voice on the other end sounded older, with a bit of country flair to the words. "Well, sir, I was wondering if you might be in need of a job."

Eli was thrown for a minute at the abrupt offer, unsure what to say. "Uh, well, I can certainly take your case, but I'd need you to talk to my supervisor first to get the particular details down for your needs."

"No, I mean would you want to come work for me."

Who was this guy? And why was he calling up someone randomly to offer them a job. "What kind of work?"

"I own a ranch and I have been looking at redesigning things a bit and needed some business input on it. I got word that you might be just the man I was looking for to help me."

This didn't feel right. Eli had a suspicious thought come to his mind. "What's your name?"

There was a slight hesitation on the other end before he heard the answer. "Richard Thoryn."

Eli froze, thinking he had heard wrong. He sighed, rubbing his face. "Mr. Thoryn. Did Buck put you up to all this?"

"I'll be honest. He came to me with the idea, but when he explained it to me, I started thinking you might be just what we need out here. I've been trying to work some new life into this place for ages, and someone with your skills might be just what we need."

Eli couldn't believe what he was hearing. A job offer? What kind of stunt was this? "Mr. Thoryn, I appreciate your offer, but I think we both know that your ranch is probably the last place in the world I should be right now."

"I'm not so sure of that. Hell, boy, I've had one of my hands moping around for months now like a kicked pup. He misses you something fierce, and it's not easy for a man to admit when he has feelings for someone else."

He had a hard time with the thought that Buck was possibly as depressed as he was. Eli remembered Buck's biting words, not sure how he could have possibly lost his anger that much. "He made it pretty clear when we talked before that we were over."

"An argument don't count as talking things out. We all say stupid things when we fight. Later, when you think about it, you realize just how little you meant of what you said."

"And there's also a lot of truth said in jest." Eli leaned back in his chair. "I just don't know."

"What will you know until you try?" The man's gentle question tugged at Eli. He could feel his resolve slipping. Richard was a formidable man when it came to bargaining, and he sounded more sure of his need of help than if Buck had just put him up to it.

"Sir, I just don't know. I might be able to recommend someone to help you, but I just don't know if it's a good idea for me to be that person."

"Listen to me, Eli." Richard's voice took on a fatherly tone, and Eli found himself very nervous to hear what might come next. "Buck came to me with this because he wants to make amends. Even more than that, he wanted to find a way for you to be together. He's worked with me for a while now to get it right, hoping it would be a job you'd be comfortable in. Give the boy a chance, and I think you'll find that he's serious. I've known him a long time and I've never seen him this determined to do something before."

Eli felt his resolve crumbling slowly. "Maybe I should talk to Buck about this first."

"Glad to hear it. He's waiting out in the waiting room now. I'd appreciate it if you'd talk with him now. Just hear him out. He's a good man, even if he did something that wasn't the smartest."

Eli thought it over for a minute, closing his eyes against the growing nerves. Could he really see Buck again? His heart ached at the thought of seeing him one more time and things not working. He didn't want to risk it, but he felt he could at least try.

He took a deep breath, steeling himself for what was coming. "Alright, Mr. Thoryn, I'll go talk to him. This doesn't mean I'm agreeing to anything else, but we'll talk."

"Thank you. That's all I ask. But I really do think you could help us. You've gotten to know the ranch pretty well and if you're even half as good at what you do the way Buck described you, then we'd be very lucky to have you."

Hearing the other man's confidence and praise felt strange, and after they had hung up, Eli sat in stunned silence for a few minutes, trying to figure out just what had gone on. Slowly, he rose to his feet and made his way from his office down the hall to the waiting room.

When Eli opened the door to the waiting room, he caught sight of that familiar back right away. It wasn't even that Buck was the only one left in the room. He'd know that form anywhere. Buck stood, staring out the window at the scenery of the cityscape. The cowboy hat that normally sat atop those beautiful dark brown strands of hair was nervously clutched in hands that Eli knew were rough and callused in just the right places. Even fidgeting anxiously, Buck was a sight for sore eyes. Eli didn't realize just how much he had missed the other man until he saw him again.

Eli couldn't make himself move or speak, just drank in the sight of the man he had missed for what felt like ages. The pain of their separation came back fresh when he realized just how much he had come to care for the sexy cowboy. The emptiness that had been in his stomach for months now felt a little less painful as he drank in the vision before him.

As if sensing he was being watched, Buck turned and his anxious look melted into one of joy as they locked eyes. Eli's heart skipped a few beats at the sight of those gorgeous green eyes staring back at him. A little smile broke over Buck's face, tinged with nervousness, and he turned, stepping closer to Eli.

"Guess you just got a phone call."

Eli managed to nod. "Yeah, I did."

Buck fidgeted with the hat in his hands. "Well, what do you think? You think... maybe it might work?"

Eli shook his head slowly. "I don't know, Buck. There's more involved than just the job."

"Like?" Buck raised an eyebrow.

"There's still a lot that we have to work on."

"Tell me what and I'll do anything." The earnest look on Buck's face pulled at Eli's heart.

He sighed. "Us. I don't want you to be ashamed. I want you to be happy to be with me, to not be afraid to tell people we're together."

Buck nodded. "Done." He sighed. "After you left this time, Eli, I felt like a part of me was ripped away. I don't ever want to lose you again, and I'll be so happy if you come back, I'll tell anyone."

Eli stared at him for a long time. "You'll tell Adam about us?"

Grinning, Buck took a step closer to him. "Baby, I'll tell the world. I'll get a tattoo on my forehead, I'll wear a sign day in and day out. I'll hire a sky writer every day. I'll take out an ad in every major newspaper across the country. I'll --"

Reaching over, Eli stopped him talking by covering his lips. He felt a grin pull at the corners of his mouth. "No need for all that. Adam's all that matters." He let his hand slide across that strong jaw for the first time in months, feeling the familiar contours.

Buck smiled, leaning in closer. "Good. Because I already told him. He invited you over for Christmas."

His reaction must have been what Buck was hoping for, because the cowboy's grin nearly exploded over his face. Buck reached up and squeezed Eli's hand, looking at him intently.

"I want to fix this, Eli. I want to make this work."

That was obvious. He'd never seen Buck quite so determined. But his unease still tugged at the corners of his mind.

"Can this really work out? What's to say we won't be like this again?"

Buck ran a hand through his hair. "Fuck, I love you, Eli. I've known that longer than I think I was willing to admit. When you left me the last time, I didn't know what to do. I will do anything to make this work."

"You pushed me away, Buck," Eli reminded him.

"I know, and I've been kicking myself for it every day since. I don't know what I was thinking, baby. I'm a fool, and should be shot for hurting you. But I want to make it right, if you'll let me."

As if his brain were just catching up, Eli suddenly realized what he had heard Buck say. "Wait a minute. Did you say.. did you say you love me?"

Buck smiled at him. "Yeah, I did. I do. I love you, Eli. Took me a little time to realize just what I needed to do about that, but I love you."

Love. It made perfect sense now. Why he hurt so much when it ended. Why he had been so concerned with Buck telling his brother about them. He had wanted it because he loved Buck. Buck, the man who came for him, who planned everything so they could be together. Maybe this really was love.

"You're thinking too hard, baby." Buck's smiling face broke through his thoughts. "Don't think. Just feel."

Buck reached forward and cupped the back of Eli's head, pulling it in to connect their mouths in a desperate kiss. Eli felt his stomach twisting at feeling those lips against his again after so long. He hadn't thought he would ever kiss this man again, and it felt even better than before. He let his hands slide up, getting lost in his dark hair, holding him close. He couldn't help feeling like if he let go, Buck would vanish again, and he would be left feeling empty. Eli felt arms sliding around him and pulling him close to press his body against the cowboy's hard form. It felt like coming home to be resting against that familiar shape.